The Husband Every Woman Prays For

By David Webb
 
 

 

 

Almost everyone tries to be on their best behavior when a new relationship begins.  Naturally, we want to make a good first impression on the other person, and the reason is fairly simple.  There's a lot of competition in the real world.  But making a good first impression isn't just limited to the human species.  In fact, we see this same need to impress the opposite sex in nature.  The male of almost every species usually puts on a great, colorful display to win the affection of the female.  But once that’s done, and the two become mates (temporarily or permanently) an odd thing often happens.  The male doesn’t usually do his “thing” anymore.  He’s already made his conquest.  So why go through all the trouble of trying to win the female he’s already conquered? Unfortunately, this scenario occasionally plays out in the human species where a man often makes a great display of manliness and chivalry to win the woman of his dreams.  But once she become his, some men no longer feel a need to impress her or treat her special.  Does this sound a little familiar?  Simply because men seem to have this innate conqueror mentality certainly doesn’t make it right to ignore the woman whose affection they’ve won.  In fact, that kind of mentality is directly contrary to the way the Bible says husbands are to treat their wives.

In the apostle Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus, he wrote: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.  So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.  For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh" (Ephesians 5:25-31).

There are three key truths in these verses that every husband needs to understand.  First, his love for his wife needs to parallel Christ’s love for the church.  Jesus died so that we could be sanctified, cleansed, holy, and without blemish.  That was the measure of Jesus’ love for us.  He gave himself for us in the greatest display of sacrificial love the world has ever known.  Therefore, every husband needs to understand that his love for his wife must be a self-sacrificing kind of love where he does everything to help her become a sanctified, cleansed, holy, and spotless woman of God.  He will sacrifice anything and everything that will interfere with this process.  She comes first in his life, as human relationships go, and he always has her best interests at heart.  He would never do anything that would weaken her or discourage her from her calling of becoming a godly wife.

Second, he needs to love her as he loves his own body – not as he loves himself, but as he loves his own body.  A dislike of self is rampant in our society.  We never quite measure up to our own expectations let alone the expectations of others.  This lowering of self-worth is one of the major causes for depression and other psychological issues that often impact the marriage relationship in a very negative way.  But even the person who has a lowered sense of self-worth takes care of their body.  They make certain their hunger is satisfied with food and their thirst is satisfied with water, they maintain cleanliness, they try to dress appropriate to the weather and even dress in ways that may appeal to others.  And if they get sick they get the medical attention they need to relieve the physical discomfort and to keep the illness from getting worse.  To put it simply, men nourish and cherish their bodies.  The word "nourish" used by the apostle Paul (Greek: ektrepho) is a combination of two words.  The first is "ek," meaning "to bring out," and the second is "trepho," which means "to feed, pamper or support," and is often used to describe the care of infants or small children.  So Paul wanted husbands to know that they must "nourish" their wives as they would their own bodies.  This means they must pamper, care for, support and provide emotional and spiritual nourishment to their wives, just as Christ does to the church.  But the apostle Paul also said husbands are to "cherish" their wives.  The word "cherish" comes from the Greek word "thalpo" which is often used to describe the mother hen who gathers her chicks under her wings to warm them and protect them.  The word also suggests the idea of tender care, or of fostering and bringing out that which is best in someone.  So Paul wanted husbands to know that they must also "cherish" their wives as they would their own bodies.  This means husbands must provide warmth of affection as well as protect and shield their wives from any emotional, spiritual or physical harm.  They must always tenderly seek to bring out the best in their wives, just as Christ does the church.

Finally, the apostle Paul referred to the statement of Adam in Genesis 2:24 after God brought Eve to him.  Adam said, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."  The apostle Paul wanted husbands to know there is a "leaving" and a "cleaving" (or "joining") in the marriage relationship.  The husband as well as the wife must leave behind anything that will interfere with their ability to cleave or be joined together.  The word "cleave" or "joined" is from the Greek word "proskollao" which is simply translated "glue together" or "to adhere to something."  It suggests an unbroken bond.  In essence, the husband and wife become so intimately bound together that they become as one flesh.  They become a part of each other and are inseparable.  This suggests an emotional and spiritual blending together of the husband with his wife.  It is as though one could not be complete without the other, or survive without the other.

A husband who loves his wife in this manner should have no problem with her submitting to his role as a leader in the family – just as she submits to the leadership of Jesus Christ in his spiritual family, the church.  The apostle John speaks about our love for Christ in these words: "We love Him because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19).  Jesus understood there would be no way we could truly love him and be willing to completely submit ourselves to his will unless he first demonstrated his love for us.  He did that by giving himself on the cross for our sins.  In the same manner, the wife cannot truly love her husband and be willing to completely submit to his role as leader until he first demonstrates the kind of self-sacrificing love for her that Jesus demonstrated toward us.  The husband earns the trust and respect of his wife.  And even more important, he earns her love because he was first willing to demonstrate his deep love and care for her.

Now comes the important question.  Do husbands consistently live up to this standard of excellence? The answer is "no."  Husbands are just as human as wives, and sometimes fall short of their responsibilities as the emotional and spiritual leader and protector of their wives.  It doesn’t necessarily mean that he no longer loves her.  It simply means there are other issues that have shifted his focus away from his primary responsibility to his wife toward things of far less importance.  And so the patient, loving and supportive wife will recognize these times of distraction and help him gradually refocus on the most important human relationship of all – their relationship as husband and wife.  However, the husband who simply feels he no longer needs to be the warm, nurturing, loving, protective husband he was when he first married has lost sight of what the Lord intends for husbands.  In cases like this, it isn’t just a problem of focusing on things of far less importance than the marriage.  It’s a problem of serious neglect that may become habitual and lead to a breakdown of the marriage relationship.

That’s why marriage encounter workshops are a wonderful thing for couples to help them refocus on their individual roles in the marriage relationship, and rebuild or strengthen the bond between them.  They're especially good for husbands.  No matter how long he's been married, he learns that being a real man means he can still open doors for her, give her a tender unexpected kiss, bring her flowers, or simply spend quality time with her just to let her know how much she means to him.  He also learns he should never stop telling her how much he loves her.  She needs to know that his life would never be complete without her.  She needs to be reassured that her husband sees their marriage as an exclusive and intimate physical, emotional and spiritual bond.  A wife who is treasured in this manner won’t have a problem responding in kind to her husband – letting him know in all those little ways that he is the most important man in her life, and that without him her life would never be complete.  He would truly be the husband that every woman prays for. 		  
 


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