INTRODUCTION:
I. In his book “Promised to Peter,” author and noted lecturer, Charlie Shedd, tells about the messages he often gave on parenting to various groups all across the country.
A. The most interesting things about these messages are the titles he used to give these speeches that talked about his experience of fatherhood.
1. In the early days on the speakers circuit, before he was a father, he called his message “How To Raise Your Children.”
2. Then he became a father, and the title of his message changed to “Some Suggestions to Parents.”
3. A few years later, after the birth of two more children, the title was changed to “Some Feeble Hints to Fellow Strugglers.”
4. Finally, as his children approached their mid-teens, he would simply walk up before the audience and ask, “Anyone here got a few words of wisdom?”
II. It’s tough being a dad.
A. It’s almost impossible to live up to our own standards, to say nothing of living up to God’s!
1. And the toughest thin of all is to know deep down inside, that we fathers are leaving an indelible thumb-print on the life of each of our children.
a. Whether we’re a down-to-earth, practical kind of dad, or some visionary who is always dreaming;
b. Or, whether we’re strong and aggressive, or weak and passive;
c. Whether we’re a workaholic or the kind of father who spends a tremendous amount of time with our families;
d. Every father knows we are molding and shaping our children into the adults that they will eventually become.
III. How can fathers do this wisely – how can we shape and mold our children into the kind of adults that will be pleasing to the Lord?
A. Surprisingly, the apostle Paul – who, as far as we know, had no family of his own – gives some of the most practical guidelines about fathering found in Scripture.
1. We’re most familiar with the words he spoke to fathers in Ephesians and Colossians.
2. But perhaps we’re not as familiar with the fatherly characteristics he outlines for us in his first letter to the church at Thessalonica.
BODY:
I. Before we look at these characteristics in detail, let’s get a little background first.
A. Out of all the churches Paul is responsible for starting, there are two that seem to stand out as being closer to his heart than most others – the churches in Philippi and Thessalonica.
1. When Paul took a trip to Thessalonica, he saw a tremendous amount of potential in that city.
a. He wanted to stay a long time with these people, even though he was being pursued and persecuted by unbelievers (1 Thess. 2:1-2).
b. For three to six weeks, he literally poured himself into that small handful of believers – working night and day to establish them in their newborn faith.
c. Although Paul was never to return for another in-depth visit with these faithful Christians, these Thessalonians had captured his heart.
2. Years later, when he heard about the waves of persecution that threatened to drown their belief, he threw them two life preservers.
a. One – he sent Timothy to them.
(1). Since he was unable to go to them personally, Paul sent his dear friend and son in the faith, Timothy, with words of hope and encouragement. (1 Thess. 3:2)
(2). But when Timothy returned with a very discouraging report, Paul threw them another life preserver.
b. He wrote them this letter.
(1). Paul pleaded with them to remain faithful, and to not forsake the Christ they had come to know as Lord and Savior.
(2). But one most unique feature about this impassioned plea was that it came from the heart of a father to his children. (1 Thess. 2:7, 11b)
(a). “As a. . . mother,” “as a father!”
(b). These words appear nowhere else in Paul’s writings.
(c). And it’s in the context of Paul’s fatherly heart that we learn some of the principles of being a genuine father to our own children.
II. In chapter two of 1st Thessalonians, the apostle Paul presents five guidelines that paint for us an inspired portrait of a good dad with his kids. (1 Thess. 2:8-12)
A. First – “A Fond Affection.” (v. 8a)
1. Although Paul could have used a number of Greek terms to describe his feelings toward these people, he chose one which is used only this once in all the New Testament.
a. The words “affectionately longing” or “fond affection” (“love you so much” – NIV) means “to feel oneself drawn to something or someone.”
(1). It’s a term of endearment taken from the nursery – a term that is both masculine and tender.
(2). It conveys the idea of a father gently cradling his tiny child.
2. But how often do we really express this kind of “fond affection?”
a. It’s easy to hug and kiss a tiny baby and even a small child.
b. But when that child grows up, physical affection is often replaced with physical distance.
3. In his book, “The Effective Father,” Gordon MacDonald includes a chapter called “Please Show Me That You Care.”
a. In that chapter, he talks about the need for physical expressions of love.
b. He writes; “The physical expressions of our approval is of great importance. We affirm what a person is, and we appreciate what a person does. But this assurance must be given in more than words. Affection, the nonverbal communication of closeness, touching, and stroking is among the most important experiences we share with one another.”
4. It’s interesting to know that some researchers have discovered that sexual promiscuity (especially in young women) is often (not always) traced back to a lack of fatherly affection given during childhood and adolescence.
5. Fathers, demonstrate your love – demonstrate your own “fond affection” toward your children – before they start looking for it somewhere else.
B. Second – “A Transparent Life.” (v. 8)
1. Paul had not only given them the gospel, but had also given them his own life.
a. Someone might ask, “Isn’t the gospel important?”
(1). I would say, “Absolutely!”
b. “Well then, isn’t it enough?”
(1). “Absolutely not!”
2. If your children are ever going to come to know the Savior you love – they not only need to hear it from your lips, they need to see it in your life.
a. They need a father who lets his children see him live out in his what he believes in his heart – even when he makes mistakes!
(1). They need to see how you handle your finances.
(2). They need to see how you handle problems, and how you deal with difficult people.
(3). They need to see your attitude about your work, and about your employer.
(4). They need to see how you make decisions, and how you “prioritize” your life.
(5). They need to see where you place your values, and see you stand up for your convictions.
(6). And most importantly, they need to see you pray, and see you study and meditate on the Scriptures.
b. Your children also need to hear some things from you – their father.
(1). They need to hear you say, “I’m wrong!” and “I made a mistake.”
(2). They need to hear you say, “I’m truly sorry. Please forgive me.”
c. They need to know you inside out – to know that you’re strong with unyielding convictions, and that you’re also weak, capable of doing wrong and making mistakes.
3. Most importantly, your children need to know and feel your interest and belief in them.
a. The word “impart” (“share” – NIV) means “to convey, to contribute, to fully share. . .” with your children that they are, without a doubt, “very dear” to you.
4. Do your children know how much they really mean to you – fathers?
a. Do you ever tell them how much you love them.
b. Do you ever tell them how much more your life has been enriched by their presence, and that your truly think of them as a gift from God?
(1). That’s what children are – you know? (READ: Psalms 127:3-5a)
(2). Notice the word-picture the psalmist uses to describe children.
(a). “Heritage” – A “gift” from the Lord. They are God’s property, and have been temporarily given to mothers and fathers to raise.
(b). “Fruit” – The word suggests “cultivation” and “nurturing,” “bringing to maturity.”
(c). “Reward” – Children are God’s way of rewarding and blessing. They should never be thought of as a punishment or a curse.
(d). “Arrows” – Something that must be pointed at a specific target, and given careful aim. And finally, released – because arrows are intended to fly on their own.
(e). “Blessed (happy many times over) is the man whose quiver is full of them!”
C. Third – “An Unselfish Diligence” (v. 9)
1. In this verse, Paul paints the portrait of a hard-working dad who applies himself to the task at hand.
a. This portrait reveals a father who assumes the responsibilities of working – of enduring hardship and labor – so that he will never become a burden to himself.
b. It’s the portrait of a father meeting financial responsibilities – of bearing up under the strain of all the demands placed on him as a father.
2. Fathers, what kind of an example do you set for your children here?
a. Do they see you as a willing provider for them family, or do they see you “calling in sick” when you’re not sick?
b. Do they see you approach your job with determination to do the best you can – even if it’s not really the kind of work you want to be doing. Or do they hear you constantly complain about how you’re being mistreated, and how no one appreciates what you do?
3. In short, what’s your work ethic? (To paraphrase Colossians 3:22-23):
a. Do your children know that you “obey your employers in everything; and do it, not only when their eyes are on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord?”
b. And do your children know that “whatever you do, you work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, and not for men?”
4. Dads, your children don’t need material things – they don’t need to see the fruit of your labors more than they need to see you, their fathers!
5. But they do need to see their dad do a day’s work for a day’s pay.
a. They need someone to teach them the need to earn their own way in life.
b. Dad’s, that’s your job.
D. Fourth – “Spiritual Authenticity” (vs. 9b-10)
1. In these verses, Paul presents two important aspects of every father’s spiritual responsibility – belief and behavior.
a. Too many fathers leave the spiritual aspect of raising children to the mother.
(1). Far too many more fathers don’t even take the time to see that mom does that job adequately.
(2). God has always placed the primary responsibility of the spiritual development of children in the hands of the father.
(a). Why?
(b). Fathers are intended by God to be leaders – to “set the stage” for all that goes on in the household.
(3). Fathers, do you take that lead, do you assume that responsibility?
(a). I’m not talking about making sure their Bible lessons are done, or sitting them down to memorize a bunch of facts.
(b). I’m talking about making these truths a part of your daily conversation. (READ: Deut. 6:1-7)
(c). Do you see in these verses (Deut. 6:1-7) that a genuine “love” for the Lord must first be in the hearts of the mothers and fathers before you can ever put it into the hearts of your children?
2. But, not only does the father have the duty of teaching and imparting belief, he also has the responsibility of living what he believes.
E. Finally – “A Positive Influence” (vs. 10-12)
1. Dads, you need to live the Christ you teach.
a. What good is teaching your children about Jesus Christ, and the lifestyle of a Christian, if you’re not going to back up that teaching with godly living?
(1). No one – especially your children – expect you to be perfect (sinless, never making mistakes or doing wrong).
(a). You don’t expect that of your children, do you?
(b). If you do, then you’re setting them up for failure – and you’re establishing standards that even you can't live by!
(c). So, you tell them to always do and be the best they can.
(2). Likewise, your children expect you to do the same thins you expect from them – to try to the best of your own ability!
2. Furthermore, notice that Paul talks about “exhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children.”
a. Your children need a positive influence in which to grow.
(1). They need to be encouraged – not discouraged!
(2). They need to hear more comments like; “That’s great!”, and “I knew you could!”, and “You can do it!” rather than “No!”, or “Don’t”, or “Stop that!”, or “What s stupid thing you did!”
b. I’m all in favor of setting guidelines, of establishing limits on the behavior of children, and I believe the Bible teaches that children need to be disciplined – even spanked – as absolute last resort, and only then when they are clearly old enough to know and understand that they have been rebellious and disobedient.
c. But fathers, is your discipline balanced with genuine love and affection?
(1). Do you build up your children’s self-esteem, or tear it down?
(2). Do you encourage your children, or discourage them?
d. Paul said, “Fathers, do not exasperate (NIV) your children. . .” (Eph. 6:4)
(1). That word means to “anger, infuriate or frustrate.”
(2). How can you do this?
(a). By always saying “No!” – by never taking time to listen to their requests and thinking about them before giving an answer.
(b). By being overbearing, ruthless, a dictator.
e. Rather, Paul said, “. . . instead, bringing them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
(1). The words convey the idea of “nurturing” the child – to “bring out the good that lies deep within” the child.
(a). It’s the same word used in Ephesians 5:29 of husbands and wives.
(2). How does a father “bring out the good that lies deep within” the child?
(a). By verbally teaching them? Yes!
(b). But even more, by showing them the life of Jesus by the way you treat them.
CONCLUSION:
I. Anne Ortlund has written a wonderful little book called “Children Are Wet Cement.”
A. We all know that cement has certain “internal properties” that determine how it can be shaped – the amount of cement, or water, or sand and gravel.
1. But cement is greatly influenced by the molding of external forces.
2. In the child’s case, that molding influence is the parent – and often times, the father’s influence is most strongly felt.
B. This is what Anne Ortlund wrote about children as “Wet Cement:”
That child of yours is helpless in the hands of
people around him.
He is pliable to their shaping; they set his mold.
What will he become?
That’s what Abraham Lincoln asked – who never paid more than minimum courtesy to the adults whom he passed on the street, but when he passed a child, he stepped out of the way and doffed his hat.
‘These adults I know,’ he said, ‘but who knows what the children may become?’
These little ones, kicking in their cribs or racing around – they are tomorrow’s world, our most precious possession, most powerful potential…
But the awesome thing is that they receive their impressions of life from us – even impressions of what makes godliness. . .
Well, they are God’s wonderful gift to us. Certainly they make us what we would never be, if they weren’t watching us and copying us!
They are the arrows from our bows, with their direction dependent on our guidance.
They are the receivers of our batons, when we begin to tire.
They are tomorrow’s heroes and rescuers and achievers – or else tomorrow’s thieves and saboteurs and loafers.”
II. Fatherhood is challenging, but it’s also rewarding.
A. No one can ever rob us of the precious memories we have of our children – assuming we’ve taken time to cultivate those memories.
1. What a tragedy it would be to lose one or all of our children, knowing we never have them anything of real value in their life.
2. Fathers, are you giving your children real, authentic spiritual values?
a. Are you preparing them for the time when they will face their Lord in judgment?
B. I’ve never experienced the loss of a child – I frankly don’t know how I would handle that experience. But I hope if that ever happened, they would take with them the memories of a father who loved and faithfully served the Lord, and who never feared death.
The Story of George Jaeger: “When George Jaeger took his three sons and their elderly grandfather out on the Atlantic Ocean for a fishing trip, he had no premonition of the horror that he would face in a matter of hours. . .
The boat’s engine had stalled in the late afternoon. While increasing winds whipped the sea into great waves, the boat rolled helpless in the water and then began to list dangerously. When it became apparent that they were sinking, the five Jaeger men put on the life vests, tied themselves together with a rope, and slipped into the water. It was 6:30 P.M. when the sinking craft disappeared, and the swimmers set out to work their way toward the shore.
Six-foot waves and a strong current made the swimming almost impossible. First one boy, then another – and another. . . swallowed too much water. Helpless, George Jaeger watched his sons, and then his father, die. Eight hours later, he staggered onto the shore, still pulling the rope that bound the bodies of the other four to him.
“I realized they were all dead – my three boys and my father – but I guess I didn’t want to accept it, so I kept swimming all night long,” he said to reporters. “My youngest boy, Clifford, was the first to go. I had always taught our children not to fear death because it was being with Jesus Christ. Before he died, I heard him say, ‘I’d rather be with Jesus than go on fighting.’”
C. Fathers, is that how your children would face their own death?
1. Would they face it with the full assurance that to depart, they would be with Christ, which is far better?
a. Would they have the confidence that heaven is their home for an eternity – because you've taught them, and because they've seen the same kind of faith in you?
2. If not, don’t you think it’s about time to begin?
D. Years ago, I received a book and a bookmark from one of my daughters, and on the bookmark was this beautiful poem written by Ramona Cecil. It’s titled “A Christian Father.”
A Christian father is special.
Though he works hard every day,
He will find time to fix a toy,
Or teach a child to pray.
He has a patient, compassionate ear
And a word of sound advice.
He puts family needs before his own,
Though it costs a sacrifice.
He knows when to admonish,
Yet he knows how to forgive.
He points his children to the gospel
As the guild by which to live.
You’ll know a Christian father,
For his children all are glad
To have him for a father
And proud to call him Dad.